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My Story

              Today is January 23, 2021. We made it. Unbelievable. I'm going to do my best to document my adventure with this whole cancer treatment. I was diagnosed with cancer of the tonsils. My dentist mentioned that one of tonsils looked a bit red and I should get it looked at. I did. Cancer. It has been determined that one lymph node on the right side of  my neck was also cancerous. The strategy is to zap with Radiation for 35 days and Chemo once a week for 7 weeks. I have a PEG tube now. That's a tube inserted directly into my belly accessible by the 18-24 inch tube sticking out of my belly that I'll be pumping food  into. I've decided to make up my own Superfood mixture. I don't want to eat regular food that is ground up and put in a tube. I want to feed myself a mixture with nothing but Superfoods and the best supplements like Krill Oil, Spirulina, L-tyrosine, Bee Pollen, Green food powder, I want to juice myself up with a combination of the best combination of vitamins, minerals, amino acids, anti-oxidants and immune system support I can devise. Making a mixture of the best foods on the planet, those that I can find out about, will be more supportive of my body than whole foods ground up. A regular diet won't do. I know too much to not do it this way. No one has presented any reason to not do it this way. I'm working with a nutritionist to help me balance the amount of each ingredient as far as protein, carbs, fats etc.

           I have been dealing with this diagnosis in different ways. I compartmentalize well. That's the first big division of thoughts. Break down the issues and separate the inconsequential issues from the ones that need more attention. Things like having to feed my self through a tube in my belly. Having to deal with fatigue and tiredness. Just how dragged  out will I be. I'm counting on my food mixture to give me a boost and add some stamina to the equation.

            Secondary Issues       How painful will my mouth actually get? I've read a few posts about some serious pain. Can I get a script for pot gummies or pot itself. How much of a burden will I end up being? How much help will I really need? Will I still  be able to drive Will I still be able to function on a daily basis. Will I still be able to go to the store? Will I end up sleeping the day away after letting the animals out. We have two goats and 8 chickens. Get up, take care of the animals then go right back to bed for the day. How many days in a row? How long will I need the feeding tube. I've learned that most patients need the feeding tube for 1-2 months after treatments end. I intend to push to get that thing removed as quickly as possible. How painful will my mouth get. I've heard of something called "Magic Mouthwash" that tastes terrible and only provides 20 minutes of relief. I know everyone handles things and react to things differently, but it's going to be painful. What I need to do most is keeping my cool and don't take my frustrations out on others. I'll need some kind of release. Massage or acupuncture or both weekly would be awesome. 

              I'm doing all this writing to find a release of emotions instead of holding them all in. I'm worried right now about turning down the noise around the fact that I have cancer. If I think about it, it would be super scary. The advantage that I have is knowing that isn't going to kill  m e. That changes the game right away I can look at this more objectively and figure a plan of attack as if it were happening to someone else. How to put my knowledge to best use. Focus on my diet for the treatment period and beyond.

That is what I've been putting most effort into. That I can control. So I shall. Any of the emotional stuff is not in consideration right now because it will be a very fluid situation changing every day and possibly hourly. Dealing with fatigue and tiredness can't be planned for. All of that stuff will have to be dealt with at that particular time. I'm very aware of what lies ahead so I'm not trying to fool myself. I've done considerable research on what the steps, the basic timeframe of decline. Somewhere around week 5 I expect to be the worst. I can't really be sure. I don't know how much the Chemo is going to affect me. (none) I may be down for a day or two afterwards. Maybe my food mixture will be awesome and I will not have the fatigue and tiredness. I know it will be super important to keep my weight up. Dr. F. said to go ahead with my mixture, but if I start loosing weight, I'll have to make one adjustments. Easy enough. That's why there are specific numbers on them so I can adjust them as needed. Maybe add a half a cup of of nuts or add some chicken or a steak or more fruits and vegetable. I'm going to make a list of all the vitamins and minerals I'm getting in my food mixture. Food is medicine. The next question s how much will I change my diet once I'm all done with this cancer. Should I put Anne on theses supplements? If so when? Now?

              I am very anxious about the pain related to my mouth sores. I've read it can be quite terrible. ad make it very difficult to swallow. It will be very important that I can keep swallowing somehow. That worries me as much as anything. This is something I can't prepare for. There are a few things that are expected to affect me physically. How bad will it get. Hw much of a couch potato will I become? Will I still be able to come here and chill and have a few smokes. If I can't take care f the animals then what? will Anne have to let them out at 5:30 when she leaves for work? Barry can't do anything. I can't call Iris and ask her to come over in the morning and let the animals out. I can only prepare so much for the logistical changes until the situation is happening. I believe I'm going about this in the best way forward for me. I'm concerned about the mental issues that will arise. How to handle my frustrations about being unable to help out with anything. I still have days when that pops up and bites me in the hand. I'll handle it the way I do now. Come downstairs ad smoke a joint or two, or three and watch comedies on my laptop. I know I can do that.

              I got the PEG tube installed and it was hurting a bit for a few days. I hadn't remembered how often we use our core muscles. Trying to sit up was tough. The first night getting into bed was tough. Rolling over in bed was quite  fiasco. Lots of pain. I have to clean around it every day. It's Monday and I've gotten pretty matter of fact about the tube. I have to clean it every day. No problem. A little bit of crusty blood forms around the plug. I just wipe it off. Also some goo appears. I just wipe that of too. No biggie. I'm still researching my food recipes. I'm going to get my chemo plug installed tomorrow. Another thing sticking out of my body. Oh well.

             I am hoping to meet with my nutritionist tomorrow. I have some info and some questions. I intend to challenge her to fine tune my recipes. I don't have much to focus on. I'm pretty well informed as to what to expect. I've worked on the emotional side of this so I can separate things. It's just something I have to go through. Can't change it. I could but I won't.

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